Cleaning Out My Closet

I actually had another post written that I was planning on publishing but I feel this one is more important. Since my cable, internet and phone are all out, I thought I’d get this off my chest. This is something that I’ve been thinking about for a little while and something I’ve kinda expressed in my blog in the past but as I’m looking around my apartment and I see crap laying around everywhere, it reminds me of the current state I’m in. Just stuff everywhere. The stuff I’m referring to would be my relationships with other people. Maybe because I’m an only child or maybe it’s just who I am, I kinda keep to myself. Depending on the setting, if I feel uncomfortable when I first meet someone I’m pretty shy and quiet. That’s because I’m sitting back and watching what’s going on before I decide what I can/can’t say and act around someone. I have to feel them out. Some people perceive this as being standoffish but whatever. I hate being misunderstood but I can’t control what other people think of me and I need to stop worrying about it. Easier said than done but I’m gonna have to learn you can’t please everybody.

It’s funny that this is coming up now since my 26th birthday is in less than a month. At first I was upset that I wouldn’t get to do what I had planned for my day, but now that I think about it it’s probably best for me to get away for a little while. I have to work and I was planning on taking off, but there is NO WAY I can do that now. I’ll tell you what I mean in some other post. I read somewhere that after about 7 or 8 years, you change friends. I thought that was a bit odd but now that I’m thinking about it, it might be right. Pretty much what I’m trying to say is that I think a lot of relationships in my life have run their course. That includes family as well. You can’t cut family off but I do feel that a lot of people that I am somewhat close to are selfish. Everybody is in their own way, myself included. I don’t really call people like I should and that’s just as wrong, but if anyone ever needed anything I’m there. Feels like the same can’t be said for other people though. I feel like people don’t really listen to what I have to say or don’t take me seriously. Like I’m still kinda mad no one has made their way out here to see me with the exception of my cousin and my mom and I consider those technicalities (one was out of a job and had nothing else to do and someone had to talk the other one into coming) so I’m not putting it out there anymore. You come if you want to. I’m not asking or begging anyone to do shit. The thing that I’m going through right now is that I’m starting to ask myself what am I getting out of these relationships? I don’t feel like I’m growing in them anymore. It feels like they are getting what they need from me though and that’s not fair. Honestly, it feels like they are hurting me. I’m not gonna cut anyone off or anything like that (maybe I should) but I think I’m just gonna focus on me and what I want/need for a while. More updates to come soon…

Three is the Magic Number

Wow, it's been 3 years...let's see how much has changed...

1. I LOVE my new apartment!

2. I will be traveling outside the country for the first time ever in June (so excited!)

3. Grad school is kicking my ass

4. I still managed to have an A- average

5. I miss the days when a 90 was an A

6. I'm mad my friends or family have yet to come visit me

7. I really miss Sugar

8. She has lost her sight (for the most part) in her left eye

9. I gave up sex

10. I'm gonna miss it (causes too many issues)

11. That doesn't mean I was passing the cooch out to everybody though

12. I really want a puppy

13. But I don't have the time to take care of it

14. My grandfather gave everyone in our familly nicknames

15. I really miss him and my grandmother

16. Dionne's nickname will be Ladybug

17. Haven't decided what Malcolm's will be yet

18. Because I want at least one girl, I'm sure I will have all boys

19. I started to gain a lot of weight around the time I turned 25 (metabolism is a bitch!)

20. I've lost about 15 pounds so far

21. I'm not sure how

22. I miss Mobile

23. But not enough to move back

24. I still suck on the guitar

25. I don't feel like/have time to practice

26. I will be decent by the time I'm 27

27. I just bought my firt electric guitar

28. Her name is Sky

29. I just made 100's on my last 3 assignments for school

30. That made me happy

31. I'm praying that I make at least a B in engineering management

32. I'm not motivated like I was last quarter

33. Still don't know if I'm gonna take classes all year round or not

34. I want to so I can get this shit over with

35. But I don't want to pay the extra $3900

36. I have a knack for attracting/being attracted to men with girlfriends

37. I'm taking my best friend with me to Hawaii this year

38. We both need the vacation

39. When I get stressed out, my hair falls out

40. I love taking care of my skin, especially my feet

41. My credit card debt is ridiculous, but it will be taken care of

42. And I have nothing to show for it

43. I had fun racking up on the bill though

44. This is my dream car

45. It will be mine once I get the Ph.D.

46. The Ph.D. will be in Supply Chain Management or Logisitcs

47. I want to get it from Penn State

48. Not sure if I'll have the money for all that though

49. I went to Vegas for the first time last month

50. I miss my mentor G "Got to be more careful..."

51. I saw Cirque Du Soliel and fell in LOVE with The Beatles

52. I really wish I had enough money to start my own cable network

53. I have ideas for two shows already

54. I want nothing more than to sit in my living room and just watch the rain

55. Evertime I have the chance, I have to leave the house

56. I've learned that you have intuition for a reason - it should ALWAYS be trusted

57. I did get my second tattoo on my wrist

58. I think it's cute

59. I also think it's ghetto

60. My mom does too

61. I want another one

62. I'm thinking about getting it on my foot

63. I want it to be a Fleur de Lis

64. I think my first love might have been the love of my life

65. I'm scared to feel that way about someone again

66. But I'm kinda looking forward to it

67. I think this guy in my group is really cute

68. I'm starting to give up on black men

69. I don't like to be in relationships because I focus more on the other person and forget about me
70. I still don't get enough sleep

71. But I don't have sleep apena

72. I wasted $40 for the doctor to tell me that

73. My favorite accessory is my Coach Peace ring
74. F My Life gets me through most work days

75. I am still afraid of Freddy Kruger

76. The worst mistake I made last year was cutting my hair

77. About to put some highlights in it

78. I don't know how to react when people say they like my blog

79. I never really meant for anyone to know about it

80. I still like Texas a lot but the people here are just...different

81. I'm impatient as hell

82. It's really starting to sink in that I probably really won't get married

83. I don't think I'm that great of a writer

84. Know what cartoon I really really miss? Count Duckula

85. I wish I were six again

86. I wonder how different my life would be if my dad was still alive

87. I don't think I would have done half the crazy shit I have if he were still here

88. I love my cubemate! She's hilarious

89. I'm a quality engineer again

90. This time, I'm doing procurement

91. I don't know if I could date someone that knew about my blog

92. I love me some Drake! (I better not ever see him in the street)

93. I still sleep with a teddy bear sometimes

94. Starting next month, I plan on cooking something every Sunday

95. I miss my linesisters (kind of)

96. I haven't seen my entire family together in one place since I was like seven

97. I'm always cold

98. I miss my goddaughter

99. I'm starting to turn into someone I don't recognize

100. I'm kinda ok with that though

School House Rock - Three is a Magic Number

I Am

...about to do some real ig'nant shit. Stay tuned... ;-)

http://www.lotusflow3r.com/

Can't Believe It

I'm in awe. God never ceases to amaze me. NEVER. When good things happen, I'm genuinely surprised because I don't really expect it. Not to say I'm not deserving of it because I am, but I like to keep my expectations low so I'm not really disappointed. It's only been 2009 for 3 weeks and my year is already off to an amazing start. I know you're thinking "What are you talking about, Shug?" Let me explain.

If you read my post a couple of weeks ago then you already know that I'm not too satisfied with my current job situation. I interviewed for 2 positions - a value engineer and a procurement quality assurance engineer. Well...I have good news. I got the PQA job!!! When I interviewed, the manager said they would like to interview candidates and let the person they picked know before the holidays and have them come back and work starting at the beginning of January. December was winding down and still no word. I felt like I did fairly well on the interview but I wasn't sure because I couldn't read the panel. It seemed like they liked me but like I said, I keep expectations low. So I decided to send an email to the guy that was over the interview. He explained that I interviewed very well and they were impressed but they were still in the process of going over their selection with HR and couldn't disclose any more information. It wasn't a no and it wasn't a yes so I kept it moving and applied for other jobs just to be on the safe side.

There were a couple of quality jobs I saw right outside of Atlanta that I was hoping I'd get a call back for. Since I wasn't happy, I figured it wouldn't be so bad to move out that way since I want to go to Georgia Tech for my PhD. Since new year's I've been going to church every Sunday without fail. Big deal right? It's only been 3 weeks. That's REALLY good for me. I've only gone to church a handfull of times in the past 2 years. Anyway, lately I've been going to The Potter's House and it was like TD Jakes was speaking to me directly that first Sunday. It was really like he was inside my head. His message was "What Should I Do with Another Year?" and he was talking about being careful of making decisions based on your emotions and leaving negative people and situations behind. It really hit home. I started thinking about the people in my life and if I wasn't really giving my job a chance. Then I thought "Damn that, I'm right and I gotta get out of here."

Four days after the sermon, I got the call I had been waiting for. It was the interviewing manager calling to let me know I got the job. He just called to let me know that I should be expecting an offer from HR and that it was so hard not to tell me I had been selected the day I sent him the email. That feeling...I wish I could bottle it. It was like relief and happiness rushed over me all at once. I couldn't stop smiling. I'm so glad I went ahead and applied for this job. I wasn't going to because I really wanted one of the other QA jobs I applied for but this one is so much better. Good thing I listned to that voice and applied anyway because the other two were canceled and I would have been stuck. After I got off the phone with my new manager, the first thing I did was call my mom to tell her the news. Not even ten minutes later the phone rings again...

Normally when a number I don't recognize pops up, I just ignore it. For some reason something told me to answer this one. Turns out it was a representative of a website a friend mentioned to me. I've never been happy with the size of my apartment and planned on moving, but I never felt like I had the money to move due to the fees, paying a moving company and the first month's rent at a new place. The purpose of the website is to help you find a new apartment and move all of your stuff for free. The catch? When you visit the property and sign your lease, you fill out that you found the property using their site. Honestly, I forgot that I visited it because the places that I pulled up during my search were out of my price range. So not only am I getting a new job (where I get to travel the world on my company's dime), a promotion and a raise, I'm also getting a new apartment! I only have to pay an extra $25 for an extra 200 sq. ft. and it's so cute!

What did I ever do to deserve this? Oh, and I started grad school a few weeks ago so posts may be far and few in between (as if I do a good job keeping up with them anyway). Thanks to everyone who said a prayer for me. I really appreciate it.

Michelle Williams - Do You Know

2009 Resolutions

I think new year's resolutions are pretty for people that are full of crap* and I normally break them all but I guess it's worth a try. These are in no random order

1. *Work on the cussing
2. Pay off all credit card debt before my 26th birthday and keep money in my savings account
3. I want A's in all of my grad school classes this year
4. Work on reducing stress
5. Forgive everyone that has done me wrong and let go off the past
6. Develop healthy eating habits and fit into my old clothes (or at least the ones my boobs will allow me to fit into)
7. Call friends and family more often
8. Try to be more positive
9. Attend church and sorority meetings on a regular basis
10. No sodas - ABSOLUTELY NONE!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!